Back?

Is it time to come back? Should I re-enter the blogging world again? I don't know. I'm not sure. But it's worth a try.

Tonight, I starting thinking about why I started this blog. It was to be a reminder to me and others to look for that which God is doing right now in our midst. It was to be a way to reveal the light that is so evident in what often gets tagged as a dark place. Light is everywhere. Seeing it, and embracing it can be challenging. But it is a must. And so, maybe it's time for me to re-embrace.

This song made brought it back to me again.

...draw me to you set my heart on fire...

It is only in this that we can see the light.

Draw near to Him. Draw near to the light. It is time for me to be back.

Where I Am

This song is where I am. I just cannot stop listening to it. From the inside out is such a perfect picture of where we start and how we should always be with Jesus. For me, sometimes it seems like there is so much inside yet not always an outlet. I pray that my inside will show through to the outside so that others may come to know him. I'm not the best example, by far, but as long as I try on my inside, I guess I'm OK.

This song is also where I am. Oh, for all of my delight...

Real

Not too long ago I would never have imagined myself driving a mini-van with my patient wife, two toddlers singing "The B-I-B-L-E", and 3-month old twins crying their eyes out, on the tail-end of a 12-hour trip to Jacksonville, all for the purpose of getting the twins' 3-month pictures taken. Nor would I have imagined that the photo-op would have failed twice in one day due to photographers making us wait 45 minutes after both of our scheduled appointments, just in time for the twins to get hungry and start crying.

That's a brief summary of what happened today.

Stressful at points and humorous at others, the day was one of those days that you think you never want to have again. But after it's all over, you realize that these are the days and the moments that life is made of. Memories. Experiences. They knit us together, all in the name of family.

Making babies laugh. Feeding babies in the McDonald's parking lot. Changing diapers. Spilling formula all over the photo-op store. Not finding a suit to buy. Carrying B on my shoulders. Watching Suzanne be beautiful. Pushing the twins through Sam's. Listening to Bob and Larry. I could go on and on and on.

Not too long ago I would never have imagined.

I thank God that it is my reality.

Waves

This blog is inspired and encouraged by none other than my beautiful wife. Check out her thoughts here.

I just spent the week in St. Augustine with my family. We have been going on a beach trip for at least 25 years, most at the same location. And so, when you go to the same place the same week every year, memories abound.

One morning, my wife decided to go body surfing. I watched over the kids and was able to see her have a blast jumping into and tumbling through waves. She was out there for maybe ten minutes and banged up her knee. Upon return, she said, "You should go out there."

What?! I have not body surfed in years! I don't really know why I haven't. Just haven't. Memories of summer mornings in the water with cousins surfing the waves flooded to my mind. I jumped up and ran out to the ocean. I think I spent about 45 minutes riding and tumbling inside the waves. It was wonderful...like I was back a few years with cousins, same place same week different time. It was a cool moment, thinking back my days as a kid and realizing that I love the thrill and risk of the ocean and the waves. I look forward to the days when I can teach and experience waves with LK, B, R, and H.

Yet on another note, the waves reminded me of something more. I heard a whisper. "I'm bigger than all of this." I thought about how much I want to be lost in the bigness of God. I want to be deep. I want to ride. I want to be lost in His waves.

My prayer...May I always take a risk. May I always go deeper. May I always choose to ride the waves rather than watch others who do.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
Pslam 42.7

Words

I'm guessing I don't have any more followers to this blog since I stink at updates. I could kick myself! I'm usually the one complaining about people who don't update their blogs. Well, maybe this is for me anyway.

It's been one of those strange weeks. My thoughts have been lingering on so much. There are many things in my life that I really do not have words to describe. How Suzanne - my wife - is the other half of me. The depth of love I have for my kids. Watching babies being born in the OR. The feeling I have driving my Jeep with the top down. The longing I have for true worship. My need for silence. My need for noise. How I know God has grown me and is changing me.

This week I discovered a new thing in my life for which I cannot find words to describe. I know I can't describe it because I have tried, and it seems like no one - except for Suzanne - can understand what I'm describing. We've been talking about raising, or establishing, the bar for leaders at our church. It's a bar that will help us pick leaders but also hold each other accountable. For some reason, I just cannot put into words effectively how I feel and think about it. All I know is that God's ways are higher and different from our ways, and I feel that we are walking on eggshells, valuing outward signs of a Christian life rather than what's really going on inside. It's so easy to look at the outside, and it's so easy to think the outside is the a true picture of the inside.

I really am trying to understand. And I think in my attempt to explain and figure it out, I am being misunderstood. But interestingly, Jesus is closer in these moments. I am aware of his presence guiding me as I pray, searching my heart and learning him even more.

For that, I am thankful...and it's another thing I just cannot find words to describe.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55: 8 - 9

The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16: 7

Wheels

Check double stroller off the list...next...painting cribs.

4

Today LK turned 4.
I am the father of 4 kids.
I have 4 big roles in my life...son, husband, father, provider.
I might be up until 4 in the morning if I don't go ahead and take a test for my GSU class!

Yea...I'm trying to come up with a cool blog about the #4. It's late and I'm rambling.

But...the embrace the light moment for today is the story of LK turning 4. What a day with ballons all over the house, Chick-fil-A lunch, presents galore, a fashion show of new presents, cookie cake, and princess plates. It's crazy to think that just 4 years ago, I felt for the first time fatherhood. And now it's so natural.

4 the past 4 weeks, she's been playing a game with me -- not letting me kiss or hug her good night. Well, tonight it all changed. She wanted me to tell her a story. So I told her the story of her being born, her cries, her visitors, and her name. She wanted to tell me a story. She told me a story about Elmo and Big Bird climbing a tree. I wish we had told more stories...probably tomorrow night...unless she gets back to her old game.

(B told a story, too. I quote: "Elmo. Big Bird. LeeLoo [that means Cookie Monster]. The End." Good story, B.)

What I'm thankful 4?

That we have stories to tell. That I have a 4-year old. A 2-year old. Two more on the way. (Yes, that makes 4.) We get to do it all over again. And the stories will keep coming. Thank goodness, Suzanne blogs more than me so we can remember them all!

I know the 4's got a little cheesy. I know. But it's late, and I still have to take that test!