Embrace the Light

Back?

2011-04-12T22:26:00.003-04:00

Is it time to come back? Should I re-enter the blogging world again? I don't know. I'm not sure. But it's worth a try.

Tonight, I starting thinking about why I started this blog. It was to be a reminder to me and others to look for that which God is doing right now in our midst. It was to be a way to reveal the light that is so evident in what often gets tagged as a dark place. Light is everywhere. Seeing it, and embracing it can be challenging. But it is a must. And so, maybe it's time for me to re-embrace.

This song made brought it back to me again.

...draw me to you set my heart on fire...

It is only in this that we can see the light.

Draw near to Him. Draw near to the light. It is time for me to be back.

Where I Am

2009-09-23T22:47:00.002-04:00

This song is where I am. I just cannot stop listening to it. From the inside out is such a perfect picture of where we start and how we should always be with Jesus. For me, sometimes it seems like there is so much inside yet not always an outlet. I pray that my inside will show through to the outside so that others may come to know him. I'm not the best example, by far, but as long as I try on my inside, I guess I'm OK.

This song is also where I am. Oh, for all of my delight...

Real

2009-07-25T23:35:00.003-04:00

Not too long ago I would never have imagined myself driving a mini-van with my patient wife, two toddlers singing "The B-I-B-L-E", and 3-month old twins crying their eyes out, on the tail-end of a 12-hour trip to Jacksonville, all for the purpose of getting the twins' 3-month pictures taken. Nor would I have imagined that the photo-op would have failed twice in one day due to photographers making us wait 45 minutes after both of our scheduled appointments, just in time for the twins to get hungry and start crying.

That's a brief summary of what happened today.

Stressful at points and humorous at others, the day was one of those days that you think you never want to have again. But after it's all over, you realize that these are the days and the moments that life is made of. Memories. Experiences. They knit us together, all in the name of family.

Making babies laugh. Feeding babies in the McDonald's parking lot. Changing diapers. Spilling formula all over the photo-op store. Not finding a suit to buy. Carrying B on my shoulders. Watching Suzanne be beautiful. Pushing the twins through Sam's. Listening to Bob and Larry. I could go on and on and on.

Not too long ago I would never have imagined.

I thank God that it is my reality.

Waves

2009-07-11T23:14:00.003-04:00

This blog is inspired and encouraged by none other than my beautiful wife. Check out her thoughts here.

I just spent the week in St. Augustine with my family. We have been going on a beach trip for at least 25 years, most at the same location. And so, when you go to the same place the same week every year, memories abound.

One morning, my wife decided to go body surfing. I watched over the kids and was able to see her have a blast jumping into and tumbling through waves. She was out there for maybe ten minutes and banged up her knee. Upon return, she said, "You should go out there."

What?! I have not body surfed in years! I don't really know why I haven't. Just haven't. Memories of summer mornings in the water with cousins surfing the waves flooded to my mind. I jumped up and ran out to the ocean. I think I spent about 45 minutes riding and tumbling inside the waves. It was wonderful...like I was back a few years with cousins, same place same week different time. It was a cool moment, thinking back my days as a kid and realizing that I love the thrill and risk of the ocean and the waves. I look forward to the days when I can teach and experience waves with LK, B, R, and H.

Yet on another note, the waves reminded me of something more. I heard a whisper. "I'm bigger than all of this." I thought about how much I want to be lost in the bigness of God. I want to be deep. I want to ride. I want to be lost in His waves.

My prayer...May I always take a risk. May I always go deeper. May I always choose to ride the waves rather than watch others who do.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
Pslam 42.7

Words

2009-06-13T00:02:00.003-04:00

I'm guessing I don't have any more followers to this blog since I stink at updates. I could kick myself! I'm usually the one complaining about people who don't update their blogs. Well, maybe this is for me anyway.

It's been one of those strange weeks. My thoughts have been lingering on so much. There are many things in my life that I really do not have words to describe. How Suzanne - my wife - is the other half of me. The depth of love I have for my kids. Watching babies being born in the OR. The feeling I have driving my Jeep with the top down. The longing I have for true worship. My need for silence. My need for noise. How I know God has grown me and is changing me.

This week I discovered a new thing in my life for which I cannot find words to describe. I know I can't describe it because I have tried, and it seems like no one - except for Suzanne - can understand what I'm describing. We've been talking about raising, or establishing, the bar for leaders at our church. It's a bar that will help us pick leaders but also hold each other accountable. For some reason, I just cannot put into words effectively how I feel and think about it. All I know is that God's ways are higher and different from our ways, and I feel that we are walking on eggshells, valuing outward signs of a Christian life rather than what's really going on inside. It's so easy to look at the outside, and it's so easy to think the outside is the a true picture of the inside.

I really am trying to understand. And I think in my attempt to explain and figure it out, I am being misunderstood. But interestingly, Jesus is closer in these moments. I am aware of his presence guiding me as I pray, searching my heart and learning him even more.

For that, I am thankful...and it's another thing I just cannot find words to describe.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55: 8 - 9

The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16: 7

Wheels

2009-03-29T23:33:00.001-04:00

Check double stroller off the list...next...painting cribs.

4

2009-03-24T23:49:00.003-04:00

Today LK turned 4.
I am the father of 4 kids.
I have 4 big roles in my life...son, husband, father, provider.
I might be up until 4 in the morning if I don't go ahead and take a test for my GSU class!

Yea...I'm trying to come up with a cool blog about the #4. It's late and I'm rambling.

But...the embrace the light moment for today is the story of LK turning 4. What a day with ballons all over the house, Chick-fil-A lunch, presents galore, a fashion show of new presents, cookie cake, and princess plates. It's crazy to think that just 4 years ago, I felt for the first time fatherhood. And now it's so natural.

4 the past 4 weeks, she's been playing a game with me -- not letting me kiss or hug her good night. Well, tonight it all changed. She wanted me to tell her a story. So I told her the story of her being born, her cries, her visitors, and her name. She wanted to tell me a story. She told me a story about Elmo and Big Bird climbing a tree. I wish we had told more stories...probably tomorrow night...unless she gets back to her old game.

(B told a story, too. I quote: "Elmo. Big Bird. LeeLoo [that means Cookie Monster]. The End." Good story, B.)

What I'm thankful 4?

That we have stories to tell. That I have a 4-year old. A 2-year old. Two more on the way. (Yes, that makes 4.) We get to do it all over again. And the stories will keep coming. Thank goodness, Suzanne blogs more than me so we can remember them all!

I know the 4's got a little cheesy. I know. But it's late, and I still have to take that test!

I Hijacked Back

2009-02-14T01:26:00.003-05:00

So you can say that I don't update my blog.
And you would be right.

I spend my time updating other people's blogs!

Hijack Back

Hijacked

2009-01-07T13:12:00.002-05:00

A day late but hopefully not a dollar short. In comes the wifey who thankfully knows all passwords and can hijack the husband's blog at will - but I'll save them for special occasions, like now...

Top 32 Reasons Why My Husband is My #1 Man

(in no particular order)

1. His eyes. No further explanation needed if you've seen him in person.
2. He was told numerous times by numerous people to give up on me in the dating years, and thankfully, he didn't.
3. He enjoys cooking and does it very well.
4. He tears up on a regular basis when looking at or talking to our kiddos.
5. He is Buster Boy's hero.
6. He's setting the standard sky high for any boy our daughter may consider to marry one day.
7. He's patient.
8. He melts easily.
9. He grows a beard as a gift to me (despite the itchiness!)
10. He's romantic.
11. He is loyal.
12. He puts our family above everything.
13. He puts God above even that.
14. He's the spiritual leader of our family.
15. He has changed his wardrobe style over the years to make me happy.
16. He looks hot driving a Jeep.
17. He looks goofy driving a van.
18. He makes me laugh.
19. He makes the kids laugh from the depths of their bellies.
20. He worries about me.
21. He takes his "provider" role very seriously and will do anything that requires.
22. He loves to further his education and that makes me proud.
23. He's smart and his brain thinks in a very organized manner.
24. He's quick to apologize.
25. He has high-class taste but is very willing to live in our middle-class world.
26. He brought home a kitten for me even though he didn't like cats.
27. Occasionally, I will find him secretly giving some love to the aforementioned cat.
28. He taught me to give with a "cheerful heart".
29. He always makes my birthdays extra special.
30. I can snap him out of a bad mood in seconds (not so much the other way around).
31. He comes from a great family and has taken my crazy family in as his own.
32. He begins and ends each day by kissing his wife. (That's me!)

I could go on for 32 more reasons, but I'll save that for his 64th birthday in just a few short years.

Happy 32nd Birthday to my bestest friend in the whole wide world. I love you.

-The Wifey

Thirsty

2008-12-31T22:50:00.002-05:00

I've never really gotten into the "new" of a new year. I don't put much weight into the practice of thinking everything well be "better" on January 1st or 2nd...that all the "old" is fading for the "new" to come. To me, it's just another day along this journey that I love so much.

However, there is much new that has come and is coming. Twins...more house...minivan...school...another degree...and I'm sure even more along the way.

Still, the new to me lately, and this coming year, has been realizing the depth of my thirst -- my need for God in every way. So my "new" for this year is to drink more. To drink more for the thirst that I have. More importantly, to drink from Him who will satisfy my thirst.

As a deer gets thirsty for streams of water, I truly am thirsty for you, my God. In my heart, I am thirsty for you, the living God. When will I see your face?
Psalm 42.1-2

Investigate

2008-12-15T21:10:00.003-05:00

So how long has it been? Way too long.

It seems like so much has happened in just two months. The twins (a boy and a girl) are growing. I finished two classes at GSU. School is busy as ever. We're adding on to our house. And I tried to buy three minivans to no avail. I just can't find what I want for what I want to pay...guess I'll have to make some adjustments.

This has been my life...held in the palm of God's hand.

This weekend I was reminded about how much I need him and depend on him. In fact, it was Pslam 139 and a story in a book Walking with God. I realized how much more I need to spend time with him...not just in talking, or even saying that I spend time with him. But literally, spend time with him. That's the part of my life that makes my life.

So...it's time...it's time for me to spend time. It's time for me to let God investigate. Investigate me, God. I promise. I'll be quiet so you can. And I'll listen.

Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—then guide me on the road to eternal life.
Psalm 139.23-24

Surprise

2008-10-16T06:10:00.002-04:00

So the kids and I play this game called "Surprise". I hide in a room or behind a corner and wait for them. Then I jump out and shout, "SURPRISE!" They laugh and scream and giggle and run. Sometime they run to me in excitement. And sometimes they run away, ready for another round.

Well, the surprise was a little different yesterday...

We took Suzanne to the doctor for an ultrasound for baby #3.

SURPRISE!

#3 and #4?!

That's right! Not just one...but two!

SURPRISE!

Joy

2008-10-13T22:52:00.003-04:00

I saw joy today.

Walking in the door after a day at work is probably my favorite part of the day. It's just so fun and exciting. Today was no different. But there was a little extra...

The girl wanted to show me how she had made her bed after naptime. She directed me to her room. I looked in anticipation at her bed...neatly made with pillows and stuffed animals piled high. I looked back at her, and before I could even speak, she exploded with joy. Giggles, laughter, smiles...a pure explosion of joy.

"Great job," I said.

She clapped.

"Doesn't it look great, Daddy? I did it all by my self.

For some reason, I was reminded that I am a child of God...and that makes me explode with joy...maybe not as visible as the girl's explosion...but inside...whew!

What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we're called children of God! That's who we really are.

Change

2008-09-21T00:15:00.005-04:00

Seems like everyone is talking about change these days. Even me.

The other day I spoke at my school about the changes we are experiencing. I explained how I believe these changes are making us better and pushing us along the path of continuous improvement. I truly feel the changes will make our school a better place for students and teachers. I also shared how I think change is a positive thing; even though it may be difficult, we are making things better.

Today, I had a different perspective.

When I woke up the little girl this morning, I told her I didn't want her to get older and grow up. I said, "I want you to stay just the way you are."

Later in the afternoon, I found a letter from a friend, written a year ago. Over the course of this year, our relationship has changed. We are much more distant than we were.

As I thought about these things, I relized that I sit on the fence of change. Some days it's good. Some days it's not good. Some days I just wish it would slow down. And then I remembered a verse that has always conforted me in times of change:

For Jesus doesn't change—yesterday, today, tomorrow, he's always totally himself.
Hebrews 13.8

I know I have a Savior and a God who will not change - who loves me for who I am and guides me in times when this life changes. It's that love, and unchangingness, that I cling to, and celebrate.

Wainscoting

2008-09-01T22:52:00.006-04:00

We installed wainscoting in our bathroom today. Well, let me take "we" back.

David installed wainscoting in our bathroom today.

As much as I would like to take credit, it was all David. Now Suzanne had the idea. She and I did paint the walls. We even measured where we wanted the chair rail placed. We also finished it up with caulk, spackle, and paint.

But David did the real work. He told me what to buy: caulk, chair rail. He brought all of the tools: nail gun, electric saw, level, triangle. He measured and cut wood: every inch of chair rail and moulding. He installed it all. He's a master at his work. And I...the eager student. (On second thought, eager may not be such a good word since I took the easy job of caulking.)

In the midst of it all, I had a moment. A moment of God defining what life truly is. Life so mysteriously described in the last few verses of Acts 2.

David and I have been friends for many years, and we've even had a few life moments. But today was different for me simply because he helped me install wainscoting. Something so simple. Something so rich. Thanks, David.

See the final product here.

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts 2: 42 - 47

Big

2008-06-28T00:10:00.005-04:00

I intended to blog about dancing. I taught a dance class tonight. The coolest part of teaching dance is seeing the sparkle of love in the eyes of a husband and a wife. So I thought I'd write about that and relate it to a verse...you know...make it spiritual and uplifting. That's when I was blown away. But not because the verse related to dancing...but becasue...

God's love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic.
Yet in his largeness
nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse,
slips through the cracks.

How exquisite your love, O God!
How eager we are to run under your wings,
To eat our fill at the banquet you spread
as you fill our tankards with Eden spring water.
You're a fountain of cascading light,
and you open our eyes to light.
Psalm 36: 5 - 9 (The Message)

WOW! Run to and hide under His wings. How big is this love.

Moments

2008-06-27T00:59:00.003-04:00

I had one of those moments today. I wanted to freeze time. Stop and never change. Perfection, it seemed.

A beautiful day, relaxing by the water. Boy asleep in my arms as we rested under an umbrella. Girl splashing in the water with my Bride.

Breeze.

No work.

No worries.

Just peace.

It was perfect.

Reminds me of Sara Groves singing "This Peace".

Reminds me of the constantness, never-changingness of Jesus. I am forever grateful to Him for all He gives and all He is.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8

Air

2008-05-26T23:34:00.002-04:00

I needed air today...really, this weekend...this week. I have felt completely knocked out. Like I was on the groud with those stars and birds spinning around me.

I needed some air to wake up and get back.

The long weekend was so perfectly placed: two trips to the beach, a Chick breakfast, catching up on school work, a good movie, time, and so much love from a beautiful wife and two incredible kiddos.

Just the air that I needed.

We're depending on God; he's everything we need.
What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name.
Love us, God, with all you've got—that's what we're depending on.
Psalm 33: 20 - 22 (The Message)

Always Amazed

2008-05-21T23:41:00.004-04:00

Jesus never ceases to amaze me. It happened again tonight. His light shines, and I will embrace it. Praise God for the goodness that never ends.

Everything was created through him;
nothing—not one thing!—
came into being without him.
What came into existence was Life,
and the Life was Light to live by.
The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness;
the darkness couldn't put it out.
1 John 1:3-5 (The Message)

Listen

2008-05-10T21:10:00.009-04:00

Here is the sermon I mentioned in the last post. Scroll down until you see "He's All We've Got". A little inspiration (and explanation) on embracing the light.

Thanks, Mark.

It's My Turn Now

2008-05-09T22:42:00.006-04:00

Or maybe I shouldn't sound so confident.

I'm jumping on board...I've succumbed to the peer pressure...I want to be like everyone else.

Really, I just want to have a blog.

Seriously, here I am...sharing my thoughts. For me, mainly. But, then again, someone else may just appreciate something I write. I actually look at this as a discovery...God continues to move in me and change me. Getting the words out of my head helps me understand it all.

The title of this blog is inspired by God's Word and something I could never let go of after hearing a sermon by Mark at church. I'll post the sermon later, and I'll share more about what embracing the light means to me as I write, explore, and discover.

Talk to you soon...